1. Take out your iPod [I go straight for iTunes on the computer]
2. Press shuffle songs.
3. Answer the following: a) How many songs before you come to one that would absolutely disqualify you from being President? b) What is that song? [I'm going to list all of the songs leading up to the incriminating music.]
1. Lullaby and Doina by Osvaldo Golijov.
2. Eine Alpensinfonie by Richard Strauss.
3. String Quartet, Op 18 No. 5 by Ludwig von Beethoven
4. "Asia felice hor ben posso chiamarmi" by Andrea Gabrieli. This is actually from a CD called Politics, Dialogues and Pastorales, but I don't think it disqualifies me.
5. Su le sponde del Tebro by Alessandro Scarlatti.
6. The Natural World by John Harbison.
7. "Southwest Blues" by Bob Levy.
8. Gloria by Francis Poulenc.
9. Piano trio by Martin Bresnick.
10. Trumpet concerto in Eb by Georg Philipp Telemann.
11. "Cocktails for Two" by Arthur Johnston and Sam Coslo. Ooh, this one advocates smocking and drinking, but not really a problem.
12. "Roll 'Em Pete" by Joe Turner. Well, if leaving a wife for someone else didn't disqualify John McCain, this isn't a problem.
13. "Ich hab'im Traum geweinet" from Dichterliebe by Robert Schumann. Weeping did in Edmund Muskie, but that was public, not in dreams.
14. Symphony No. 2 by Johannes Brahms.
15. Clarinet Quartet, K 496 by WA Mozart.
16. "The First Time" by U2.
17. Concerto for Orchestra by Jennifer Higdon.
18. Trumpet Concerto in C by Johann Christian Fischer.
19. The Nutcracker by Pyotr Tchaikovsky. It's got battles, so everything's good.
20. Symphonie funebre et triomphale by Hector Berlioz. The composer did take opium, but for a different piece.
21. "Searchin'" by Lieber and Stoller. It can sound like stalking, but also compares the narrator to police.
22. "A Heart Full of Love" from Les Miserables. Okay, this is both an elitist latte-sipping musical, which also advocates revolution, and has an escaped convict as the good guy and the police officer committing suicide. Not good for a presidential candidate.