Yes, I'm blogging from deep inside the evil Northern Empire. It was a risky trip, complete with birth certificates, friendly border guards, and Tim Horton's coffee shops. To show my dedication to the cause, I have even brought my family with me, leaving only the dog and cat behind to avenge our deaths if necessary.
These tricksy Canadians have built a training grounds here, clearly part of a plan to attack Europe. A perfect replica of London is hidden in the interior of Ontario, complete with a River Thames, Picadilly, Queen's Street, King's Street, Victoria Park, Oxford Street, Blackfriar's Bridge, and St. Paul's Cathedral. I have not discovered where they are hiding the Tower, but as I said, these Canadians are tricksy.
I've been eating their Sweet Marie's, Beef Wellington, and poutine, but I have not gone native. No "Zed" will ever pass my lips, nor shall my "again" ever fit in a My Fair Lady song. The babies are cute, and the history professors are friendly. I fear that they will try to pry secrets of the Republic from me with copious amounts of wine this evening. Of course, the joke's on them, as I'm not a Republican.
Monday, I am to be subjected to another evil, the great Blue country of southern Michigan. Every day I try to forgive my wife for having been brainwashed by those dastardly Ann Arborites, only to be thanked with this visit. I will sing "On Wisconsin" continuously to guard against contamination, with instructions given to the cat to end my life swiftly if I mention the name Lloyd.
Think well of me, as I face these dangerous lands. I will return for more regular blogging on Tuesday.