I feel the need for more humor

You might be a theory geek if . . .

1. you whistle in style brisé.
2. your favorite pickup line is, "What's your favorite augmented sixth chord?"
3. your second favorite pickup line is, "Would you like to raise my leading tone?"
4. you have ever played the how-many-episodes-is-too-many-episodes fugue game.
5. you have a poster of Allen Forte in your room.
6. you know who Allen Forte is.
7. you dream in four parts.
8. your biological clock follows a non-retrogradable isorhythm.
9. you can improvise 16th-century counterpoint with no trouble, but you frequently forget how to tie your shoes.
10. you will look at a piece by Bach and say, "You know, I think he could have gotten a better effect this way . . ."
11. you expected something quite different out of The Matrix.
12. you can answer your phone with a tonal or a real answer.
13. you like to tease your friends and loved ones with deceptive cadences.
14. you know how large a major 23rd is without having to count.
15. you only drink fifths, and then you laugh at the pun.
16. you feel the need to end Tchaikovsky's Pathétique Symphony with a picardy third.
17. your favorite characteristic of Brahms's music is the subcutaneous motivic play.
18. instead of counting sheep, you count sequences.
19. you find free counterpoint too liberal.
20. Moussorgsky's "Hopak" gives you nightmares.
21. you wonder what a Danish sixth would sound like.
22. you long for the good old days of movable G-clefs.
23. the Corelli Clash gives you goosebumps. Every time.
24. you can hear an enharmonic modulation coming a mile away.
25. you can hear Berg's lover's dog coming a mile away.
26. you have had to be forced to stop labeling motives.
27. you confuse fishsticks with ground bass.
28. you found No. 27 funny.
29. you have ever quoted Walter Piston.
30. you like to march to the rhythm of L'histoire du soldat.
31. your license plate says: PNTONL.
32. you have ever defended yourself with, "But Gesualdo did it!"
33. you have ever tried to do a Schenkerian analysis on "Three Blind Mice."
34. you have ever tried to do a Schenkerian analysis on 4'33''.
35. you have ever had a gebrauchsmusik party.
36. you have ever tried to hop onto the omnibus.
37. you like to wake up to a Petrushkated version of "Reveille."
38. you lament the decline of serialism.
39. you know what the ninth overtone of the harmonic series is off the top of your head.
40. you keep the writings of Boethius on the coffee table.
41. you have ever dressed up as counterpoint for Halloween.
42. you have ever written a musical palindrome and given it a witty title.
43. you can name ten of Palestrina's contemporaries.
44. you have ever found a typographical error in a score by Ives, Nancarrow, or Babbitt.
45. you have ever heard a wrong note in a performance of a composition by Ives, Nancarrow, or Babbitt.
46. you already sensed that if this list had been written by Bartók, this would be the funniest item.
47. you enjoy the tang of a tritone whenever you can.
48. you've let the rule of the octave determine how you go from one event of the day to the next.
49. you have ever played through your music as if the fingering markings were figured bass symbols.
50. you suspiciously check all the music you play for dangling sevenths.
51. you have devised your own tuning method.
52. you keep a notebook of useful diminutions.
53. you have composed variations on a theme by Anton Webern.
54. you know the difference between a Courante and a Corrente.
55. you have trained your dog to jump through a flaming circle of fifths.
56. you have ever used the word fortspinnung in polite conversation.
57. you feel cheated by evaded cadences.
58. you organize phone numbers based on their prime form.
59. you find it amusing to refer to you ear-training course sections as your "pitch classes."
60. every now and again you like to kick back and play a tune in hypophrygian mode.
61. you wonder why there aren't more types of seventh chords.
62. you wish you had twelve fingers.
63. you like polytonal music because, hey, the more keys the merrier.
64. you abbreviate your shopping list using figured bass symbols.
65. you always make sure to invert your counterpoint, just in case.
66. you have ever told a joke with a punchline of: because it was polyphonic!
67. you have ever named a pet, instrument, boat, gun or child after Zarlino.
68. you have an <0 1 4> tattoo.
69. your lips may say, "perfect fourth," but in your heart it will always be "diatessaron."
70. you have ever said, "Yes, didn't Scriabin use that sonority in . . ."
71. you know dirty acronyms for the order of sharps.
72. you can name relatives of the "Grandmother Chord."
73. you're still wondering why I haven't included the "must-resolve-the- dominant-seventh-before-going-to-bed" indicator.
74. you can not only identify any one of Bach's 371 Harmonized Chorales by ear, but you also know what page it is on in the Riemenschneider edition and how many suspensions it has in the first four bars.
75. you got more than half of the jokes on this list.

(Yes, this is an old list. Yet still true.)

More letters from camp

from Ashlee Simpson:

Dear Mom and Dad,

Here is a new song I wrote, called “Autobiography.”

On a Monday I am waiting
Tuesday I am fading
And by Wednesday I can't sleep
Then my the phone rings,
I hear you
and the darkness is a clear view
I see you've come to rescue me...
Aw crap, that’s the wrong song! Well, here’s a little dance. Tell Jessica to stay out of my room.

Ashlee

======================

from Steve Reich:

Dear Mom and Dad,

How are you? I am fine
HHowaareyyou? IIaamffin
HoHowrareoyou?I Imamifi
nowHoweareuyouI aI amnf
inw How are?you?amIfame
fineaHowyare youam Iiam
HfinarHowoare youm fIna
mofinreHowuareIyou?fiIe
amwfine How?are youfinI
Ham fineyHow areayouine
IoamafinyoHow aremyoune
HIwamrfinouHowIare youe
HoI amefinu?How arefyou
HowIaam fine Howaareiyo
uow Iramyfine Howmareny
ouw aIeamofineIHow aree
you?arI amufinI Howfare
HyouareIyam?fineaHowiar
eoyoure Ioam finamHowna
reeyoue yIuam finm Howe
are you?yoI?amIfinefHow
HareayouyouI am finfiHo
woareryouou?I amafininH
owwareeyouu? IIammfinne
How are you? I am fine

Steve

Letters from camp

From Arnold Schoenberg:

Dear ma & pa. How are you? I am fine. Love Arnold.
Arnold love, fine am I. you are how?
pa & ma dear. dlonrA evoL .enif ma I
?uoy era woH .ap & am reaD..read am & ap
?woh era uoy .I ma enif ,evol dlonrA

Love, Arnie

======================

From Philip Glass:

Hello heh heh hello, o-hell o-hell oh ellow ellow heh heh heh hello
mama mama muh muh muh-mah, ah ah ah ahhhh! Aye aye aye aye aye yam
yam yam yam
Eye yam yam Fie aye aye aye fuh fuh fuh fie un yun yun yun
Hah hah aha hah ow ow ow wow ow wow ow ow ah hah aha haha are are are
are
yuh
huh huh huh yuh you? oooh. oooooh.

Sincerely, Phil

======================

From Milton Babbitt:

Dear bi-polar source set, All members of the aggregate feelings
matrix are demonstrating maximum congruity with respect to the
positive experiential axis.

With affections invariant under transposition, Milton.

======================

Anton Webern (c. 1913)

Hello. Hel. H.

Olleh. Lo. Fi.

I am I

Fine.

======================

Pierre Boulez (c. 1952):

X=cm2

1x2x3

A+C

Schoenberg is dead.

Q to N

======================

John Cage:





John
======================

Anton Bruckner:

Liebste Mutti und Vati
Howwwww arrrrrre yoooooouuuu?
Howwwww arrrrrre yoooooouuuu?
Howwwww arrrrrre yoooooouuuu?
Howwwww arrrrrre yoooooouuuu?
Howwwww - arrrrrre - yoooooouuuu?
How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you?
How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you?
Howwwww - arrrrrre - yoooooouuuu?
HOW ARE YOU?
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I am fine.
I AM FINE!!!!!
Howwwww arrrrrre yoooooouuuu?
Howwwww arrrrrre yoooooouuuu?
Howwwww arrrrrre yoooooouuuu?
Howwwww arrrrrre yoooooouuuu?
Howwwww - arrrrrre - yoooooouuuu?
How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you?
How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you?
Howwwww - arrrrrre - yoooooouuuu?
HOW ARE YOU?
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I am fine.
I AM FINE!!!!!
Howwwww arrrrrre yoooooouuuu?
Howwwww arrrrrre yoooooouuuu?
Howwwww arrrrrre yoooooouuuu?
Howwwww arrrrrre yoooooouuuu?
Howwwww - arrrrrre - yoooooouuuu?
How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you?
How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you?
Howwwww - arrrrrre - yoooooouuuu?
HOW ARE YOU?
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I-i-i-i ammmmmm fiiiiiine.
I am fine.
I AM FINE!!!!! Fine! Fine! Fine!
FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE!
FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE! FINE!

(Double counterpoint)

How I are am you fine.
I how am are fine you.

love,

Anton

(from a colleague)

Perspectives of Cone

Edward T. Cone, professor of music at Princeton for 39 years, died on Saturday. He was a founding editor of Perspectives of New Music, an expert on form and hermeneutics, and a good pianist and composer. His writing style was very incisive and eloquent, and he was not afraid to ruffle feathers. I recommend Musical Form and Musical Performance, or his essays in Music: A View from Delft.

The new protest song

I had previously searched for current protest songs. I have found the best example. It isn't folk music, and it's main medium is the video rather than the acoustic guitar. But Eminem has definitely produced the protest song for this election season. "Mosh" protests against the Iraq war, the backdoor draft, Bush's tax cuts for the wealthy, the erosion of civil liberties, and the loss of jobs, all to a pretty cool beat and very cool animation. This protest is more filled with rage than the previous generation's protest songs, but this balances out as our demonstrations aren't as impassioned as those of the Vietnam era. However, even with the rage and feeling of impending violence that the video imparts, the ending gives the proper solution to the problem of George Bush.

(via Pandagon)

Bush as Big Brother

My local congressional candidate, David Sanders, has a great article on his website about the link between George W. Bush and George Orwell's 1984. Here's a choice quote:

  At the core of Orwell's new political system were four critical elements-the use of perpetual war for political purposes, the control of human sexuality, the cult of personality and antipersonality, and the abuse of language and history.  The current application of the first principle is transparent.  There was the war on drugs.  Now there is the war on terror.  It is indisputable that we were attacked by a brutal and cowardly enemy.  Does this mean that any domestic or international action taken by the government is now justified in the name of security?  There is the Orwellian logic: "Iraq is now the enemy.  Iraq has always been the enemy." We need to engage in doublethink and forget about the Reagan administration support for Iraq and its tacit acceptance of the use of weapons of mass destruction by the murderous tyrant, Saddam Hussein.  We need to forget the Bush administration's stated reasons for war against Iraq.  We need to forget that we have left in anarchy much of Afghanistan where we periodically wipe out families and wedding parties by unfortunate accidents.  There can be no doubt about the success of the exploitation of the war for the stirring of nationalist passions in support of the political party in power.

Bush is trying to use the Anti-Homosexual-Marriage Amendment, anti-abortion laws, and abstinence-only sex programs to control human sexuality. The cult of personality, "Big Brother," is definitely Bush himself. He cannot make a mistake, he is strong and resolute. The cult of antipersonality -- the person who is against all that we believe in -- has changed over time. It started out as Osama bin Laden. Then it became Saddam Hussein. Now it is the "Islamofascists" as a group, with Zarqawi getting prominent play. It is curious that Osama is no longer in the spot light. I think he is either dead or otherwise incapacitated, and Bush needed someone else to keep as The Villain for the public's focus. With current news media and short public attention spans, The Villain needs to be someone who is seen or heard from regularly, to remind the public how evil he is. This part has definitely weakened, especially when Saddam was captured and seen to be just a man.

The abuse of language and history has been rampant. "Clean Skies Initiative" to help polluters. "Healthy Forest" laws to help lumber mills. The war on Iraq was not for WMD, it was because Saddam was evil. Before the Iraq war, the administration was lambasting the CIA for not taking the Iraqi threat seriously. Afterwards, the same administration claimed that the CIA pushed them to attack Iraq, using faulty intelligence. Human rights are being systematically abused, but are supposedly only caused by "a few bad apples."

By the way: my current congressman, Steve Buyer, was a House Manager in the Clinton impeachment trial, called for nuclear strikes in Afghanistan, and falsely claimed to be called up by the Army last spring. He must go. 9 8 days.

PostClassic Radio

I've been listening to Kyle Gann's PostClassic Radio for the last hour. Much like iPod listings, here are my impressions:

Jean Hasse - Kinkh, liked it, mellow piano music.
Pamela Z - Pop Titles 'You', really liked it, a combination of musique concrete with a funky beat.
David Rosenboom - How Much Better if Plymouth Ro, very annoying. I don't like the 70's synth sounds, and the ostinati don't change enough for my taste, though I think I could tolerate it better if the timbre was more to my liking. Sadly, this is a rather long piece (almost 23 minutes), forcing much jaw-clenching to get through it so I could see what came next. It did have an effective climax and interesting ending, as each strand gets layered in more stretto fashion to create a sense of speeding up as the dynamics ebb. Then the strands die away, leaving only the main ostinato slightly out of sync with itself.
Ooh, I just heard Kyle's voice, giving a little audio introduction to the next piece. Just like a DJ!
David First - Good Book's (Accurate) Jail of Escape Dust Coordinates, Part 2, it moves VERY SLOWLY, but isn't annoying or grating. I don't think I would choose to actively listen to it at a concert, but it makes for some cool background music while I'm grading papers.